February 28, 2014: For Floral Design Day, why not create someone a beautiful bouquet? Unless, of course, they’re one of those weirdos who can’t stand flowers.* Of course, there are alternate things you can arrange in a bouquet — for National Tooth Fairy Day, our little tooth-purchasing friend has created a beautiful arrangement of teeth. (For the record, there is a second National Tooth Fairy Day on August 22; I guess they’re really gung-ho about getting kids to brush their teeth.)

I remember when I was a kid, I found all of our teeth in my mom’s costume jewelry drawer. I’m still vaguely weirded out that she kept them, but I guess that’s one of those incomprehensible things that parents do. Ummm … and now it’s probably too late to warn your kids to not read this commentary if they still believe in the Tooth Fairy. It’s a good idea I’m not having any children; I wouldn’t be able to do the whole Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Santa Claus festival of lies.**

* I’m one of those weirdos. Who on earth wants a bunch of dying vegetation as a gift?

** Also, on the note of lying to your kids and keeping their teeth as grotesque souvenirs: happy birthday, mom! 🙂