February 14, 2014: It’s Buy Cards and Flowers and Things Because Commercialism Tells You To Day, also known as Valentine’s Day! One of my least favorite well-recognized holidays of the year. (Yes, it goes slightly against the obscure & weird mission of this comic; however, some holidays just need to be mocked.) It’s also Ferris Wheel Day, because George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr. was born on this day in 1859. And with a name like that, dude HAD to become famous.

Library Lovers Day is right up my alley. Forget the flowers (as soon as you cut them, they’re dying), the candy (which will just make me fatter), and the cards (I’d rather have someone’s original words in an email than a mass-produced dead tree from Hallmark); take me to the library, let’s borrow some good books, and I’ll be your Valentine forever.