December 6, 2013: So I knew that Saint Nicholas Day celebrated the dude who was the source material for Santa and all other derivatives, but I had no idea how ghastly some of his backstory was. In France, he brought butchered children back from the dead! Ol’ Nick here is wearing some lovely polyester fur to celebrate Faux Fur Friday, the first Friday of December, when you’re likely to need something a bit warm and snuggly to ward off the winter chill.

As for National Gazpacho Day, first off, who puts a cold soup holiday in December? Shouldn’t it be a refreshing thing for July or August? Also, every time I hear “gazpacho”, I think of the Red Dwarf episode “Me²”. (Also: gazpacho is on my personal “never eaten” list.)